For all of you wondering what I am actually up to, including my dear Mom. Here is a link to the conference. www.shespeaksconference.com
Thanks for all the great clothes you lent me, Mom. and for letting me nap with Esther today.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Yummy gluten frree muffins
Peanut Butter Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins (Gluten-Free)This
recipe adapted from one I found on celiac.com
I doubled the whole recipe, here is what I did
Ingredients:
6 bananas (I used frozen bananas)
4 eggs
1 cup white sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
3 1/2 cup white rice flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 butter which I then metlted
1 cup 2% milk with a teaspoon of vinegar (to make buttermilk)
1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350F.
Mix first 4 ingredients in a food processor. Blend.
Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl.
Transfer food processor mixutre to large mixing bowl, add milk and butter. Reserve 1/4 cup or so of flour mixture for later.
When well mixed, graduly add dry ingredients while beating with a electric hand mixer. Blend well.
Add the 1/4 cup of so of flour mixture to the chocolate chips (this prevents then from sinking). Add the chocolate chips to the mixture. Put in the muffin mix in silicone muffin pan. Filling each muffin hole to the top. Bake for about 9 1/2 minutes for mini muffins and 12 or so for big muffins.
Enjoy
recipe adapted from one I found on celiac.com
I doubled the whole recipe, here is what I did
Ingredients:
6 bananas (I used frozen bananas)
4 eggs
1 cup white sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
3 1/2 cup white rice flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 butter which I then metlted
1 cup 2% milk with a teaspoon of vinegar (to make buttermilk)
1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350F.
Mix first 4 ingredients in a food processor. Blend.
Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl.
Transfer food processor mixutre to large mixing bowl, add milk and butter. Reserve 1/4 cup or so of flour mixture for later.
When well mixed, graduly add dry ingredients while beating with a electric hand mixer. Blend well.
Add the 1/4 cup of so of flour mixture to the chocolate chips (this prevents then from sinking). Add the chocolate chips to the mixture. Put in the muffin mix in silicone muffin pan. Filling each muffin hole to the top. Bake for about 9 1/2 minutes for mini muffins and 12 or so for big muffins.
Enjoy
33 year old mother
In the news today we learn that a 33 year old mother of three children was executed to death in North Korea for giving out bibles. This I must say is what stops me from telling other about Jesus. Not because I live in North Korea, but I must admit I am fearful of what might happen to me and my family if I redically tell others about Our Savior. Today, as I read this news,... God spoke to my heart. Would you still tell others about me for ever, the way you passionately do this week? I want to, but do I have it in me. I pray I do. God give me the strenght, to do all the things you plan for me.
Lets all pray for this women, her family, loved ones, and all the people she touched and would have touched in North Korea.
Lets all pray for this women, her family, loved ones, and all the people she touched and would have touched in North Korea.
Friday, July 24, 2009
countdown full of blessing
With little less then a week before we leave for the SHE SPEAKS conference, so many blessing are been poured on us.
I wish I could share them all with you. However, you can image all the packing that is taking place. Three little ones going to the cottage for nearly two weeks, and Joey and I leaving for the conference/ travelling and then hitting the cottage scene for a few days.
I can hardly believe that my little Daniel and Esther are now two years old. It hard to believe that they are becoming the little independent person which they are. Esther is constantly asking to go to Grandma's house, hence, I am having no problem with granting her request by leaving her and her brothers in the great care of Grandma, Grandpa, and Great Aunt Jane. They will have a blast, and so will we.
I was feeling shy about going to SHE SPEAKS. Shy of the fact that I am a Christian Catholic attending a Christian (mainly Christian Protestant) conference. Or should I say simply shy of being Catholic. Not because I am shy of being Catholic, or I am. It is more because I don't want do dealt, again, with the pressure that I should 'convert' to some Protestant denomination. You see, years ago I dealt with that. The pressure to 'convert or stay" which I felt by my friends who were Christian Protestant and the member of the various ministries I was involved with, was so intense I nearly went insane. I must also say the pressure I felt from my friend that were Christian Catholic was nearly as bad too! Eventually God is the one that lead me to remain a Christian Catholic. I had prayed that he show me the way, because only he could understand all the various aspects.
Now, I have gone to a few Christian events since, that period of my life, but never in a way that I fully let go (surrender) and let God do whatever he wanted to do with me. To some of you that concept might be very foreign. However, I can assure you that there is joy, comfort, and security in realizing that God has your best interest at heart and you can totally trust him to lead you to become the person you are meant to be. Now, I am heading off to SHE SPEAKS the leaders say it's a life changing conference. I want it to be a life changing conference, not because my life sucks but because I want to be even more ME. The me God created me to be. But, will it be a life changing conference, if I am shy of being who I am. NO! Because I will have a wall around me which God will need to brake down all weekend, instead of speaking directly to my heart. No, because I will be watching what is happening, rather then participating in what is happening. So, I prayed and ask God help me with all of this....
He lead me to attend a bible study at the MET Church, here in Ottawa. The title of the study is "Free to be me, and all God created me to be!"... How appropriate. I enjoyed the speaker very much. She shared how she met God, and the affects it had on her life. Then we were suppose to brake out in a small group for some discussion question. Ok, let's be honest. It is safe for me to go listen to a talk, but actually talk to people???? They might find out who I am, that I am not one of them, and might very well get the whole pressure to convert thing again... I really didn't feel like taking part in this small group,.. but I felt lead to go, like my body just followed the crowd and went to the small group section, and found a table with these two beautiful blond hair women, which I tough had know each other their whole lives, .... I should say it was like God was holding my hand walking me to this table, like a mother would walk a nervous child. I started to talk to these incredible women. Yes, the dread question came up, after all it was on the sheet of question to discuss,... How long have you been coming to the Met? Turns out, neither of the women, attended the church regularly. They were in fact very familiar with the Catholic Church and only attended the Met occasionally,... JUST LIFE ME. This blew me away. Actually sharing that I was a Christian Catholic, reduced their discomfort. We shared many things around that little table that night, things of God, things that penetrated our hearts,... we were Christian women sharing in the joys and difficulties of life, and encouraging each other, loving each other the way Jesus wants us to love, with the dividers down!
This is what I am planning on doing at SHE SPEAKS to meet sister in Christ and love them as each one of them is made in the image of God, and only in getting to know them, for who they are, can I truly get to know my Almighty God.
Thank you ladies from Wednesday night. You know who you are. You spoke so much to my heart. Hope to see you two in a few weeks.
So, I am still shy about being a Christian Catholic? I hope not. I hope I can learn from Wednesday evening, and just be confident that my sister in Christ will accept me for who I am, and not judge me on our difference but embrace our common ground. That we all have the same Heavenly Father, the same Jesus Christ who saved us, and the same Holy Spirit who help us one our day to day lives. I am excited at finally meeting all these women who a long with me feel called to speak, write, lead, and infulence and who live their lives for God.
This might be the last post for a while, as we are heading off in a few days, and life will be getting busy preparing for the trip. God bless all you and check out the blog in in the middle of August, for some details of the trip.
Love with all Jesus' love;
I wish I could share them all with you. However, you can image all the packing that is taking place. Three little ones going to the cottage for nearly two weeks, and Joey and I leaving for the conference/ travelling and then hitting the cottage scene for a few days.
I can hardly believe that my little Daniel and Esther are now two years old. It hard to believe that they are becoming the little independent person which they are. Esther is constantly asking to go to Grandma's house, hence, I am having no problem with granting her request by leaving her and her brothers in the great care of Grandma, Grandpa, and Great Aunt Jane. They will have a blast, and so will we.
I was feeling shy about going to SHE SPEAKS. Shy of the fact that I am a Christian Catholic attending a Christian (mainly Christian Protestant) conference. Or should I say simply shy of being Catholic. Not because I am shy of being Catholic, or I am. It is more because I don't want do dealt, again, with the pressure that I should 'convert' to some Protestant denomination. You see, years ago I dealt with that. The pressure to 'convert or stay" which I felt by my friends who were Christian Protestant and the member of the various ministries I was involved with, was so intense I nearly went insane. I must also say the pressure I felt from my friend that were Christian Catholic was nearly as bad too! Eventually God is the one that lead me to remain a Christian Catholic. I had prayed that he show me the way, because only he could understand all the various aspects.
Now, I have gone to a few Christian events since, that period of my life, but never in a way that I fully let go (surrender) and let God do whatever he wanted to do with me. To some of you that concept might be very foreign. However, I can assure you that there is joy, comfort, and security in realizing that God has your best interest at heart and you can totally trust him to lead you to become the person you are meant to be. Now, I am heading off to SHE SPEAKS the leaders say it's a life changing conference. I want it to be a life changing conference, not because my life sucks but because I want to be even more ME. The me God created me to be. But, will it be a life changing conference, if I am shy of being who I am. NO! Because I will have a wall around me which God will need to brake down all weekend, instead of speaking directly to my heart. No, because I will be watching what is happening, rather then participating in what is happening. So, I prayed and ask God help me with all of this....
He lead me to attend a bible study at the MET Church, here in Ottawa. The title of the study is "Free to be me, and all God created me to be!"... How appropriate. I enjoyed the speaker very much. She shared how she met God, and the affects it had on her life. Then we were suppose to brake out in a small group for some discussion question. Ok, let's be honest. It is safe for me to go listen to a talk, but actually talk to people???? They might find out who I am, that I am not one of them, and might very well get the whole pressure to convert thing again... I really didn't feel like taking part in this small group,.. but I felt lead to go, like my body just followed the crowd and went to the small group section, and found a table with these two beautiful blond hair women, which I tough had know each other their whole lives, .... I should say it was like God was holding my hand walking me to this table, like a mother would walk a nervous child. I started to talk to these incredible women. Yes, the dread question came up, after all it was on the sheet of question to discuss,... How long have you been coming to the Met? Turns out, neither of the women, attended the church regularly. They were in fact very familiar with the Catholic Church and only attended the Met occasionally,... JUST LIFE ME. This blew me away. Actually sharing that I was a Christian Catholic, reduced their discomfort. We shared many things around that little table that night, things of God, things that penetrated our hearts,... we were Christian women sharing in the joys and difficulties of life, and encouraging each other, loving each other the way Jesus wants us to love, with the dividers down!
This is what I am planning on doing at SHE SPEAKS to meet sister in Christ and love them as each one of them is made in the image of God, and only in getting to know them, for who they are, can I truly get to know my Almighty God.
Thank you ladies from Wednesday night. You know who you are. You spoke so much to my heart. Hope to see you two in a few weeks.
So, I am still shy about being a Christian Catholic? I hope not. I hope I can learn from Wednesday evening, and just be confident that my sister in Christ will accept me for who I am, and not judge me on our difference but embrace our common ground. That we all have the same Heavenly Father, the same Jesus Christ who saved us, and the same Holy Spirit who help us one our day to day lives. I am excited at finally meeting all these women who a long with me feel called to speak, write, lead, and infulence and who live their lives for God.
This might be the last post for a while, as we are heading off in a few days, and life will be getting busy preparing for the trip. God bless all you and check out the blog in in the middle of August, for some details of the trip.
Love with all Jesus' love;
Monday, July 20, 2009
I did it!
Well, I have done it. My teaching talk for the speakers conference I am attending at the end of the month, is ready. I am struggling at finding time to post here. It is similar to it's 8 minutes counterpart which is the previous post, but with 2 minutes taken out of it.... and some extra material regarding David and the psalms,mainly examples. Regarding the pattern of 7 steps found in the Psalms, I developed a chart that 1) shows the principle 2) then shows how that looked for David 3) How it look for me when Daniel was ill
I then conclude vary briefly, and then we all pray together.
Thanks for all your prayers as I prepared this. If you can now pray that we all stay healthy and have a good trip. Thanks you,
I then conclude vary briefly, and then we all pray together.
Thanks for all your prayers as I prepared this. If you can now pray that we all stay healthy and have a good trip. Thanks you,
Sunday, July 19, 2009
David decides to trust God
Here it is well the 8 minutes and 20 second format:
If any one can help me out by giving suggestions of what I should cut out, let me know. It was originally over 15 minutes long, then the 2nd draft was 10 minutes long, the 3rd draft 8 minutes and 20 second. arr!
David decided to trust God....
"O most High, when I am afraid, in you I place my trust. God, I praise your promise; in you I trust, I do not fear. What can mere flesh do to me?" (Psalm 56: 3-5)
These are the words of David while he is being chased by a man who is repeatedly trying to kill him. I am not sure I would react the same way under the same circumstances, would you?
David was serving Saul, the king of Israel. Saul liked David so much he had sent a letter to David's father stating that he wanted to keep David in his service. Then
Jealousy comes in the picture. (1 Samuel 18:6-9) When returning from battle Saul see and hears women dancing and singing "Saul killed his thousands, David killed tens of thousands." From that day on Saul was jealous of David. What does a king who is not seeking God's will do when he is jealous of someone else? Kill him or at least try to kill him.
This forces' David to escape from his home and wife, to hide in the desert strongholds, and eventually live amongst Israel's enemy the Philistines.
How would you or I react to treats on our lives... Would we want revenge on this "enemy' of ours? How does David react?
Mercifully. You see Scripture tells us David could of taken the life of Saul, not once but twice. ( 1 Samuel 24) and (1 Samuel 26). At both of these moments David has people around him telling him that he should take Saul life, they even word it ways such as " God has delivered your enemy into your hands, this is the time do it." Doesn't that sound familiar? Is there times in our lives were others are speaking to us about how we should take revenge on others? Or at least make a situation fair?
Of course. How do we handle that? Do we fall under the pressure or not?
Do they manage to influence our actions?
Let us see how David did it.
As a man after God's own heart David decides to trust God. (Psalm 56:3) David followed God's; commandments and he sought the God's advice. Several times in 1 Samuel we hear David seeking God's will: Should I do this, should I go there? David conversed with God and God guided him.
David does not fretting or worrying about his situation. He simply uses prayer to hands over his situation to God who stronger then any man. Through out the various psalm, written by David, during and after this time in his life we see a pattern of 7 steps which David uses to handle potentially frightening situation:
1) beg God to listen to him,
2) tell God about his feelings
3) tell God about the facts
4) Remember how God has been faithful and helped in the past
5) and most importantly be would Praise God
6) and thank him for his upcoming victory over his enemy.
7) and he continues to be obedient to God's commandments and direction.
In the Psalms David is asking the people of God, that is us, to Trust God, like he did even when it seems like our enemies are winning over us or the situation is big and we can see a way out.
How do we go do this? How do we trust God?
What is trust: The Canadian Oxford dictionary states trust
is relying or depending on someone or something.
Some of us can have a heard time at the idea of trusting someone. We been hurt by some of the people we trusted. Some of those people are the ones that are the "Saul" in our lives,... Let's look at that, David is not telling us to trust anybody, he is telling us to trust God...
Who is God,... God created the whole world including us.... In the book of Genesis, scripture tells us that God created us in his image, he knows how we functions. What if you have problems with your car, who do you trust to fix it? Perhaps that guy who gives you the best deal in town, but if you could afford it would you not prefer to take it to the people that made it, to the dealership. Then lets face it, the person we need to trust with our problems is not merely ourselves, or a counsellor , however a good counsellor can help a lot, but the one we can trust is God our creator, . Unlike others who have hurt us and "lost our trust", God knows us inside and out, he knows where we've been and where we are going. He does have our best interest at heart.
So, how do we apply the principles David used to trust God in our own lives:
Let look at an example from my own life:
Like most mothers, one of the fears I have is that my children become ill. This past winter I came face to face with this fear.
At the age of 18 months, my little boy started having seizures which led us to realize that he had a blood disorder.
Through the ordeal people simply couldn't believe how well I was handling the situation, now when I look back at it,... God had guide me to follow the same 7 steps David did. Prasie God!
1) beg God to listen to me : As I my precious little boy in my arms as I yelled "NOOOO! God not this!
2) tell God about my feelings : It was not eloquent or loud, just in my mind I spoke to him about my fears, and worries....
3) tell God about the facts of the situation and how it affects you :I spoke to God about the facts I knew at the time, I must say I also did a fair bit of research on blood in order to gain more knowledge and understand the situation.
4) Remember how God has been faithful and helped in the past both personally and throughout the history of the Church. : My husband helped me remember how God had helped us in the past, certainly in my challenging pregnancy/ delivery for our son and his twin sister.
5) Praise God in song or in words : We kept praying, alone and together as a family. We sang songs of praise to God together.
6) Thank God for his upcoming victory over the situation: I asked God to heal Daniel. I don't think I was though to claim victory over the situation. But I did seek help from others who would prayer in such a way.
7) and continues to be obedient to God's commandments and direction in your life: I continued to listen to God's commandment ; loving my little boy just like I loved him before this medical condition, and I kept following God direction in my life.
Let us pray: God just as you help David trust in you in all circumstances, help us to trust you in all our circumstance, no matter what! God, when we are afraid, help us to put out trust in you, Lord. Amen."
If any one can help me out by giving suggestions of what I should cut out, let me know. It was originally over 15 minutes long, then the 2nd draft was 10 minutes long, the 3rd draft 8 minutes and 20 second. arr!
David decided to trust God....
"O most High, when I am afraid, in you I place my trust. God, I praise your promise; in you I trust, I do not fear. What can mere flesh do to me?" (Psalm 56: 3-5)
These are the words of David while he is being chased by a man who is repeatedly trying to kill him. I am not sure I would react the same way under the same circumstances, would you?
David was serving Saul, the king of Israel. Saul liked David so much he had sent a letter to David's father stating that he wanted to keep David in his service. Then
Jealousy comes in the picture. (1 Samuel 18:6-9) When returning from battle Saul see and hears women dancing and singing "Saul killed his thousands, David killed tens of thousands." From that day on Saul was jealous of David. What does a king who is not seeking God's will do when he is jealous of someone else? Kill him or at least try to kill him.
This forces' David to escape from his home and wife, to hide in the desert strongholds, and eventually live amongst Israel's enemy the Philistines.
How would you or I react to treats on our lives... Would we want revenge on this "enemy' of ours? How does David react?
Mercifully. You see Scripture tells us David could of taken the life of Saul, not once but twice. ( 1 Samuel 24) and (1 Samuel 26). At both of these moments David has people around him telling him that he should take Saul life, they even word it ways such as " God has delivered your enemy into your hands, this is the time do it." Doesn't that sound familiar? Is there times in our lives were others are speaking to us about how we should take revenge on others? Or at least make a situation fair?
Of course. How do we handle that? Do we fall under the pressure or not?
Do they manage to influence our actions?
Let us see how David did it.
As a man after God's own heart David decides to trust God. (Psalm 56:3) David followed God's; commandments and he sought the God's advice. Several times in 1 Samuel we hear David seeking God's will: Should I do this, should I go there? David conversed with God and God guided him.
David does not fretting or worrying about his situation. He simply uses prayer to hands over his situation to God who stronger then any man. Through out the various psalm, written by David, during and after this time in his life we see a pattern of 7 steps which David uses to handle potentially frightening situation:
1) beg God to listen to him,
2) tell God about his feelings
3) tell God about the facts
4) Remember how God has been faithful and helped in the past
5) and most importantly be would Praise God
6) and thank him for his upcoming victory over his enemy.
7) and he continues to be obedient to God's commandments and direction.
In the Psalms David is asking the people of God, that is us, to Trust God, like he did even when it seems like our enemies are winning over us or the situation is big and we can see a way out.
How do we go do this? How do we trust God?
What is trust: The Canadian Oxford dictionary states trust
is relying or depending on someone or something.
Some of us can have a heard time at the idea of trusting someone. We been hurt by some of the people we trusted. Some of those people are the ones that are the "Saul" in our lives,... Let's look at that, David is not telling us to trust anybody, he is telling us to trust God...
Who is God,... God created the whole world including us.... In the book of Genesis, scripture tells us that God created us in his image, he knows how we functions. What if you have problems with your car, who do you trust to fix it? Perhaps that guy who gives you the best deal in town, but if you could afford it would you not prefer to take it to the people that made it, to the dealership. Then lets face it, the person we need to trust with our problems is not merely ourselves, or a counsellor , however a good counsellor can help a lot, but the one we can trust is God our creator, . Unlike others who have hurt us and "lost our trust", God knows us inside and out, he knows where we've been and where we are going. He does have our best interest at heart.
So, how do we apply the principles David used to trust God in our own lives:
Let look at an example from my own life:
Like most mothers, one of the fears I have is that my children become ill. This past winter I came face to face with this fear.
At the age of 18 months, my little boy started having seizures which led us to realize that he had a blood disorder.
Through the ordeal people simply couldn't believe how well I was handling the situation, now when I look back at it,... God had guide me to follow the same 7 steps David did. Prasie God!
1) beg God to listen to me : As I my precious little boy in my arms as I yelled "NOOOO! God not this!
2) tell God about my feelings : It was not eloquent or loud, just in my mind I spoke to him about my fears, and worries....
3) tell God about the facts of the situation and how it affects you :I spoke to God about the facts I knew at the time, I must say I also did a fair bit of research on blood in order to gain more knowledge and understand the situation.
4) Remember how God has been faithful and helped in the past both personally and throughout the history of the Church. : My husband helped me remember how God had helped us in the past, certainly in my challenging pregnancy/ delivery for our son and his twin sister.
5) Praise God in song or in words : We kept praying, alone and together as a family. We sang songs of praise to God together.
6) Thank God for his upcoming victory over the situation: I asked God to heal Daniel. I don't think I was though to claim victory over the situation. But I did seek help from others who would prayer in such a way.
7) and continues to be obedient to God's commandments and direction in your life: I continued to listen to God's commandment ; loving my little boy just like I loved him before this medical condition, and I kept following God direction in my life.
Let us pray: God just as you help David trust in you in all circumstances, help us to trust you in all our circumstance, no matter what! God, when we are afraid, help us to put out trust in you, Lord. Amen."
3 minutes ... why not four?
I had Joey time my "3 minutes testimony" and it turns out that it was 4 minutes! Arch!!! So here is the "3 mintues testiomy: in it's 3 minute fromat" I really hope I didn't ake to much out.
"Hi I am Roxanne Paul, I am from Ottawa, Canada.
Growing up I felt an intense pressure to meet my future husband while I was in my teens.
I went from boyfriend to boyfriend, searching for the guy you would fill all my needs, wants and desires. This lead me to find myself divorced by my early twenties.
While I was in this painful situation, my mother took me aside.
She told me I should go back to the church based youth group I had attended a few years earlier, as at least then I was happy. To get her off my case I promised her that I would go on two conditions 1) that would be on a weekend I was off which were very few, and 2) that it didn't cost to much money.
It didn't take long that I had received an invitation to a weekend retreat from that youth group, which met both those conditions.
Once there, of course all dolled up in case I were to meet a great, handsome, polite church guy, I looked the crowd over, no handsome guy. I took a seat and sighed in desperation. Then I though maybe he is just running late, I choose to listen to the talk in order to talk with him at brake.
Then minister walked in, I was shocked he was not an ordinary clean cut boring man. He had long hair, piercings, and tattoos, Needless to say he intrigued me. He stated that the fast paced life style of needing and wanting everything NOW is not how God intended for us to live and that is why we have so many problems. This all made so much sense to me, this is when I started truly listening. That weekend I realized so many things:
-that God loved me, the way I had longed to be loved all my life, that is unconditionally, I realized that this love could only be filled by God, not some guy.
-I learned that I was constantly getting hurt in relationship because I was not living the way God designed me to live. But God was giving me an other chance, I accept all Jesus did on the cross for me and told God all my sins. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like a whole new persons.
With all this new knowledge, I knelt down in the chapel and said "God, I give you permission to love me" this was not easy as I had been so hurt by those I loved. As I gave God permission, I pleaded with him, to not hurt me and to be very gentle. That is when, In my mind I saw the picture of a rose bud being gently opened to reveal a magnificent rose. He said that some of the peeling might hurt but that he would do it patiently, gently, and lovingly.
The unfolding of the rose, my heart, happened with God and of some incredible people that have entered my life. I started attending church regularly and other Christian events. These people have helped me learn more about God, and His Word the bible, how to talk with God that is prayer and help me to do the changes in my life I choose to do in order to love God more and more.
Today I can say that I have found the one who fills all my needs, wants and desires, and that is not my husband, he does try, but the one who successfully fills all those things, in his timing, is God. "
"Hi I am Roxanne Paul, I am from Ottawa, Canada.
Growing up I felt an intense pressure to meet my future husband while I was in my teens.
I went from boyfriend to boyfriend, searching for the guy you would fill all my needs, wants and desires. This lead me to find myself divorced by my early twenties.
While I was in this painful situation, my mother took me aside.
She told me I should go back to the church based youth group I had attended a few years earlier, as at least then I was happy. To get her off my case I promised her that I would go on two conditions 1) that would be on a weekend I was off which were very few, and 2) that it didn't cost to much money.
It didn't take long that I had received an invitation to a weekend retreat from that youth group, which met both those conditions.
Once there, of course all dolled up in case I were to meet a great, handsome, polite church guy, I looked the crowd over, no handsome guy. I took a seat and sighed in desperation. Then I though maybe he is just running late, I choose to listen to the talk in order to talk with him at brake.
Then minister walked in, I was shocked he was not an ordinary clean cut boring man. He had long hair, piercings, and tattoos, Needless to say he intrigued me. He stated that the fast paced life style of needing and wanting everything NOW is not how God intended for us to live and that is why we have so many problems. This all made so much sense to me, this is when I started truly listening. That weekend I realized so many things:
-that God loved me, the way I had longed to be loved all my life, that is unconditionally, I realized that this love could only be filled by God, not some guy.
-I learned that I was constantly getting hurt in relationship because I was not living the way God designed me to live. But God was giving me an other chance, I accept all Jesus did on the cross for me and told God all my sins. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like a whole new persons.
With all this new knowledge, I knelt down in the chapel and said "God, I give you permission to love me" this was not easy as I had been so hurt by those I loved. As I gave God permission, I pleaded with him, to not hurt me and to be very gentle. That is when, In my mind I saw the picture of a rose bud being gently opened to reveal a magnificent rose. He said that some of the peeling might hurt but that he would do it patiently, gently, and lovingly.
The unfolding of the rose, my heart, happened with God and of some incredible people that have entered my life. I started attending church regularly and other Christian events. These people have helped me learn more about God, and His Word the bible, how to talk with God that is prayer and help me to do the changes in my life I choose to do in order to love God more and more.
Today I can say that I have found the one who fills all my needs, wants and desires, and that is not my husband, he does try, but the one who successfully fills all those things, in his timing, is God. "
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