Kim and whom ever else is interested.
Here is what I started with Jacob a little while ago.
Basically, I wanted a way to deal with all the bad habits we adapted while I was on bed rest with the twin pregancy and the time when the babies were very little.
I do time outs for physical hurts to other (hitting, pulling hairs, smacking on the head,...) and for obvious not listening. (this means when we remind him of a rule, bu looking him in the eyes and saying "Jacob we don't draw on the wall" ... he says oh! and then he does it again in the next 5 minutes.
Some times when we do a time out (sitting by himself on the couch, or arm chair - sitting near him, holding him spot, or looking at him reinforced his behaviour. hence he is by himself and we go on with other things) he gets up before we tell him he can, we tell him to sit back down, if he gets up a second time , he gets brought upstairs to his room, I close the door... he cries and cries after 1 minute i go to him and hug him, reassure him that I love him, but didn't like what he did. I make him say sorry. (at first that was a real battle... if you want more on this let me know)
Basically you have to figure out what is so horrible for your child that it will motive them not to do that bad thing. And not to over use this thing. For Jacob not being able to do what he wants is bad, but being in his room by himself and knowing that I am upset at his behavior is horrible.
We tries all sorts of things before this one, and we were thinking nothing would work and he would continue to hurt his baby twins forever. But finally wisdom came to us. It might not be the best or what phychiatrist recommend but it is what works for us.
As you see from the pictures, we decided to deal with the bad habits or the habits we wanted to instill in Jacob by rewarding with stickers. You can get great stickers at the dollars store. We use simple smiles, stars, cars, Thomas the tank engine, Dora,... what ever we get that we think he would like. I sit him down a few times trought the day and go throught the list of what we did and didn't do.... "DID you wake up in your own bed this morning?" Yes, oh great you can choose a sticker... he then puts his sticker in that spot, sometimes he wants me to put on the sheet, Then we go "DId you wash your hands before breakfast?" No, on well no sticker for that one, maybe we can get one for this tomorrow, I will put a sad face on this to know we will work on this tomorrow" and so on. If there is something on the sticker sheet that for some reason could not of happened Ex: snack at the table, and we were outside for snack time, then I put a bar through that, so that I know it's not anyones fault that it didn't happen.
Make sure to put some things on the sheet that are easy for Melody (or your child) to do, so that they see/ understand how it works and it encourages them.
As you also see,
Jacob can save his stickers for things that motive him.
This is working so, so.
He does know that if he gest lots of stickers in the day we get to go to the park all of us together , he loves that. It has however meant that we have at the park, in the dark,... but my days are going a lot better.
We have used sheets on t he wall but are thinking to swithchinh to a scrap book format so it is portable, and he can save the stickers for longer.
Some days we miss it, and that is ok. This way he does get dependent on this.
Any othe questions, let me know.
All the best
The other tricks that have help the jelasie (sp?) are:
-make sure she/he knows they have special time with just you.
(first thing in the morning, playing a short but fun game together, having a tickle fight, a cuddle in bed, or a bath/ shower together. This way there I want/ need mommy / daddy tank is filled up atlest a little bit. hgaving time throught the day to give a hug here and there, really helped Jacob, as well as knowing that on the days that i have help he will get alone time with me just before nap. We have also done dates with Jacob. Just mommy and Jacob go to the musuem, or just daddy and jacob go for ice cream, or a real treat just mommy and daddy go with Jacob for sushi - his favorite food. when money is an issue... daddy and Jacob play in the back yard or Mommy and jacob play in the basement and the other are on the main floor.)
-In stead of saving give me a minute over abd over again, set a timer for the amount oftim you need, or says when this basket is all empty we can do that. Make sure to follow throught even if he or she is now playinh independently, otherwise it will not work next time.
-when your busy with the toddler (changing a diaper, or cleaning up a mess) and the baby or babies cry out for you, reassure the baby that you will be there soon and point out to the toddler that "See, daniel has to wait for mommy, because mommy is busy with you."
-when the babies nap -sometimes at the same time, Ioccassionaly try to turn a blind eye to the state of the house and the undone chores and play with Jacob. It is amazing what 5 minutes of unnterrupted with mommy can do.
-Also, just bending down to his level and saying I love you, works great too.
anyhow, this is what is workinh for us now... with Jacob.. who knows for the twins.
