school starts

Tomorrow morning is a morning I have dread for over a year. Jacob starts school. I have put a good front for him (at least I hope I have) about how excited I am for him. I just feel like I am losing my little boy. It being back so many of the emotions of his birth. There I was cuddle and breastfeeding or I should say learning to breastfeed my first born son, when all of sudden the whole world got crazy. They, the nurses and doctor, took him away! They started doing all these things to him. Next thing I new I was separated from him. I was made to watch video on how to care for my newborn son but could not hold him. I was brought to a room and told to rest. Rest, I didn't know what was going on with my son, how could I rest. Once everyone left me in my room, I wobbled himself to a near by wheel chair and wheeled myself through half of the hospital. Finally getting to be beside my son. I was allowed to stick my hand in a little hole and touch him, but I couldn't hold him. My husband tried to explain to me what all the wires were for but my mind was a blur. I stayed there by his side for hours and the other hours I was made to sit in a little room with stuff on my breast trying to get milk in so I could eventually breastfeed my son. ... in the mean time I had to deal with feels of lost. I really felt like my son was not mine anymore, he was the nursing staff. I had to have permission to touch him, the oxygen levels and warmth of the incubator would drop to low when the little window was open to long. I had to eventually be discharged from the hospital without Jacob. I had to face coming to a house fully ready to greet a newborn baby but without my baby in my arms. It was some of the hardest time I have faced. and again... I sit here with the ticker boom going.... of school. The exception this time is that this will not end anytime soon... but again, I will not be able to be with him to help him or cheer him on, again I will have to trust government paid professionals to take care of his needs, and again tears are streaking down my face... it seems like I was just getting to enjoy this incredible boy God has graced me with and now I have to share him with the world. I know there is a joy in that, but right now all I see is tears and pain in my heart.

size 6 boys clothing

I am looking for some size 6 boys clothing. Jacob is growing so tall. He really needs pijamas and honestly we don't care if the match or what not, just comfy things to sleep in. He does need pretty much all other types of clothing as well. I will head to Value Village to get clothing if need be, but I thought I would see if anyone has some to hand down to us, first.
We are so grateful for all the help we have received for clothes for all the children!

Challenges

How many things can I handle at once:

1) oldest son starting school for the first time and on the eve of that
2) sorting out all the baby things (or should all say all the stuff that is not presently lent out) and packaging them up for their new owners, and putting the large bags in the van for delivery with in the next few days (the van is packed)
3) PMS and insomina

joy oh joy

oh I almost forgot, tonight at dinner we notice that Daniel's lips are whiteish. The outline of his lips are red but the content of his lips especially his lower lip are whiteish with a little pink similar to the inside of the mouth put lighter. ... both Joey and I thought it was odd but didn't think further then that until my overworking brain started putting two and two together... hum... yes, he was been a little quiter lately, yes, he has really been needing his naps and falling asleep easily for nap and bedtime, yes he had a vacination two weeks ago, had a low grade fever and a rash (which are normal symptoms from the vacinates)... but could of the virus triggered another round of TEC .... in english words... could he be facing another round of low hemoglobins (red blood cells)... which totally help give the red to ones lips! Please God, I trust you but please not again. To some of you who are just learning about us, Daniel bone marrow was severally surpressed or even stopped producing hemoglobins last winter. It was diagnosed as more then likely TEC as there are no formal test to confirm this diagnoses. Ten minutes before going in to surgery for a bonemarrow biopsy test result returned to inform the doctors and us that he was healed. It was a very challenging time in our lives,... and I would rather not repeat it. Please pray that this is just a odd thing that happen and tomorrow morning everyting will be fine.

Thank you

speaking to my heart

I love how My Daddy speaks to my heart. My Eternally Daddy.

I truly admit I struggle with materialism. I would be quite content living with all sort of stuff and collecting things... however, that is not what I was created to do. And honestly cleaning and tidying all the stuff has become to laborious. The other day I found myself wishing for someone to come into my house and declutter it for me. Go through all my stuff, the stuff in the clothes, the stuff in the storage rooms, the stuff hiding in baskets and get rid of everything we did not need. As a result, I image an tidy, well organized clutter free home that would not only be easy and quick to clean but a place where we could have fun and just be free to be who God created us to be. Us being me, my husband and three kids.

So last night, we decided to shed all things that we either 1) have not used in the six months or will not for sure use in the next few months (mainly winter stuff). 2) or that we have a really really good reason for keeping it. A reason which our spouse agrees with! Ouch. I must say I was a little grumpy. But it felt good to shed. Jacob, our 4 year old, even voluntarily put some toys at the road to give away. He was so excited that someone picked up some of the toys, that the toys will go to some kids who will play with them and use them.

And today, my daddy spoke to my heart. As a result of the motor vehicle accident we had a few weeks ago, I am in pain. My back is very soar, so much so it wakes me up at night. I have been prayer, asking God to heal me, but more importantly, to help me not be resentful and unforgiving to the man who hit us. Hence, I have agreed to pray for him to know God in a real tangible way. Great. But who know what, I am still really struggling with it all.

Today the kids and I went to have the van checked out for repairs and then we were heading off to do some shopping - for school supplies. Because of the location of the garage I drove on streets I would not of otherwise driven on. On one of those streets, was our new couch. Joey, my hubby, and I have been wanting a new couch. A new couch to us. We wanted it to be a neutral color, have three cushions (one for each of the kids) and be in decent shape. Well, on the curb was a three seater beige couch in great condition. With the best sign of all "FREE". Yah! All three kids and I kept Thanks God and exclaiming our happiness all the way home, with the four way flashing flashing and the back doors of the van tidied down with a tie rope which was accidentally left in our van from the weekend. How sweet!

Jacob even helped me bring it into the house. He is so excited. We talked about how great it is, to give away things we are no longer using in order that others get what they need/ want. And how when others give what they no longer need we sometimes get what we need / want. - He does realize that we have been wanting a new couch for nearly a year. But it has arrive... bringing with it great real life lessons and joy. And a big thank you to God for helping me get over the grudge of the accident - because if it had not been for the accident I would not of been driving on that road to find that couch. - now that sound like a topic I could "speak" about. "Finding the treasure along the bumpy road!" HUM!!!


Sherry, if your reading this let me know. I would love to meet up with another P31 gal.

To everyone else, Thanks for taking the time to read what I write. I love knowing your reading, leave comments. I get really excited when I get them.