the house is messy... but I need to blog.

Jacob school journey is really getting to me. No one should say to a child "School will be so exciting you will learn so many new things!" Of course Jacob has learned new things,... but do they really have to do with Bomb threats and Halloween.

Honestly with the work coming home with him, all I can say is that he is making progress in pattern making, otherwise he is learning one number per month this for a child who is adding and subtracting at home. Alphabet wise one work sheet has come home on the letter I, and they claim the a straight line is not the letter I, I felt like calling and asking them to look at a computer keyboard and describe the letter I to me. At least on all our key board it is a straight line up and down. Jacob is reading things all around us, including instruction on how I should make the Kraft dinner in the microwave because it's quicker! Many people are telling to stop doing work with him at home, but he loves it. Would you tell a child who loves playing hockey, to stop practicing and playing hockey until the peers in his age group all catch up! No. Then how can people honestly say to stop doing activities and games with Jacob regarding maths and reading.

So everyone is telling me that kindergarten, especially kindergarten is simply for the social element. Well, I have issues there as well. Jacob is in a spit grade class, meaning that his class has some Junior Kindergarten kids and some Senior Kindergarten kids. After months at school, Jacob is still struggling with names of some of the SK kids, put after taking to his teacher I can understand. As she tries to separate them as much as possible. I wished I would of know that, I would not be asking for names of these older children. But the straw that is braking this camel's back is the fact that my sweet sensitive boy is being teased at school. Today is day three of this trial, and I am afraid it will not be ending soon. I fear they have realized that he is sensitive and they can bother him. The bullies are in the Sk component of the class. Jacob already doesn't want to go to school, as he would much rather work from home like daddy does. At least at home he would do challenging work and have intellectual stimulation. But now the social component to which we are telling him is why he goes to school is being less then beautiful... it's actually ugly because it is not enough bulling that something can really be done, but it is enough for our sons confidence to be eroded.
I was hoping that school was going to be like camp for me. I hated going to camp as a kid, but as an adult I loved helping out with camps (summer camps, march break camps, ....) I was hoping that even though I hate school as a child I would like school as a parents of a child in school. But I am growing emotionally exhausted at the battles of sending my child to a place he simply is not wanting to go, and that I am wondering how much damage is being done to his confidence.
It is really difficult for me to relive my early school year experience as I watch and try to help my little one going through so many similar experiences.

On a plus side, on Monday's swimming class Jacob jump into the water from a standing position all by himself. Something he has been working on for many many months, and he did it!

not forgotten

My to do list seems to be never ending.... I really wish does people who said "having Jacob in school would make life easier " would raise up so I can have a little talking with them. What is easier about it, I really don't know. Perphas it is because I can a whole 2 hours in the morning of no thaving Jacob present with me and the twins. But the getting him out the door, getting him to school with all the necessairy things, the "oh got to go pick him up NOW!" and cannot forget the "re-intergration" to the family once he is home,.... none of this is easier. But overall I am getting more use to it all. We just had a 6 day brake from it all. Jacob missed 2 days of school due to illness, and then had a PD day, a weekend, and a statutory holiday... to total 6 days at home. He is really excited to go to school tomorrow.

Things have been challenging emotionally for me, and the routine of everything seems to want to kill me. But I will get through it all as God is giving sufficient grace for the moment.

I have to go ... get my 8 hours sleep or else my hubby will turn me alarm clock off and make me sleep in and not get up early enough to get my morning "me" time. Which will cause my whole day to be oscar the grouchist.

Will try to be more punctual at blogging.
Thanks for reading.

school starts

Tomorrow morning is a morning I have dread for over a year. Jacob starts school. I have put a good front for him (at least I hope I have) about how excited I am for him. I just feel like I am losing my little boy. It being back so many of the emotions of his birth. There I was cuddle and breastfeeding or I should say learning to breastfeed my first born son, when all of sudden the whole world got crazy. They, the nurses and doctor, took him away! They started doing all these things to him. Next thing I new I was separated from him. I was made to watch video on how to care for my newborn son but could not hold him. I was brought to a room and told to rest. Rest, I didn't know what was going on with my son, how could I rest. Once everyone left me in my room, I wobbled himself to a near by wheel chair and wheeled myself through half of the hospital. Finally getting to be beside my son. I was allowed to stick my hand in a little hole and touch him, but I couldn't hold him. My husband tried to explain to me what all the wires were for but my mind was a blur. I stayed there by his side for hours and the other hours I was made to sit in a little room with stuff on my breast trying to get milk in so I could eventually breastfeed my son. ... in the mean time I had to deal with feels of lost. I really felt like my son was not mine anymore, he was the nursing staff. I had to have permission to touch him, the oxygen levels and warmth of the incubator would drop to low when the little window was open to long. I had to eventually be discharged from the hospital without Jacob. I had to face coming to a house fully ready to greet a newborn baby but without my baby in my arms. It was some of the hardest time I have faced. and again... I sit here with the ticker boom going.... of school. The exception this time is that this will not end anytime soon... but again, I will not be able to be with him to help him or cheer him on, again I will have to trust government paid professionals to take care of his needs, and again tears are streaking down my face... it seems like I was just getting to enjoy this incredible boy God has graced me with and now I have to share him with the world. I know there is a joy in that, but right now all I see is tears and pain in my heart.

size 6 boys clothing

I am looking for some size 6 boys clothing. Jacob is growing so tall. He really needs pijamas and honestly we don't care if the match or what not, just comfy things to sleep in. He does need pretty much all other types of clothing as well. I will head to Value Village to get clothing if need be, but I thought I would see if anyone has some to hand down to us, first.
We are so grateful for all the help we have received for clothes for all the children!

Challenges

How many things can I handle at once:

1) oldest son starting school for the first time and on the eve of that
2) sorting out all the baby things (or should all say all the stuff that is not presently lent out) and packaging them up for their new owners, and putting the large bags in the van for delivery with in the next few days (the van is packed)
3) PMS and insomina

joy oh joy

oh I almost forgot, tonight at dinner we notice that Daniel's lips are whiteish. The outline of his lips are red but the content of his lips especially his lower lip are whiteish with a little pink similar to the inside of the mouth put lighter. ... both Joey and I thought it was odd but didn't think further then that until my overworking brain started putting two and two together... hum... yes, he was been a little quiter lately, yes, he has really been needing his naps and falling asleep easily for nap and bedtime, yes he had a vacination two weeks ago, had a low grade fever and a rash (which are normal symptoms from the vacinates)... but could of the virus triggered another round of TEC .... in english words... could he be facing another round of low hemoglobins (red blood cells)... which totally help give the red to ones lips! Please God, I trust you but please not again. To some of you who are just learning about us, Daniel bone marrow was severally surpressed or even stopped producing hemoglobins last winter. It was diagnosed as more then likely TEC as there are no formal test to confirm this diagnoses. Ten minutes before going in to surgery for a bonemarrow biopsy test result returned to inform the doctors and us that he was healed. It was a very challenging time in our lives,... and I would rather not repeat it. Please pray that this is just a odd thing that happen and tomorrow morning everyting will be fine.

Thank you

speaking to my heart

I love how My Daddy speaks to my heart. My Eternally Daddy.

I truly admit I struggle with materialism. I would be quite content living with all sort of stuff and collecting things... however, that is not what I was created to do. And honestly cleaning and tidying all the stuff has become to laborious. The other day I found myself wishing for someone to come into my house and declutter it for me. Go through all my stuff, the stuff in the clothes, the stuff in the storage rooms, the stuff hiding in baskets and get rid of everything we did not need. As a result, I image an tidy, well organized clutter free home that would not only be easy and quick to clean but a place where we could have fun and just be free to be who God created us to be. Us being me, my husband and three kids.

So last night, we decided to shed all things that we either 1) have not used in the six months or will not for sure use in the next few months (mainly winter stuff). 2) or that we have a really really good reason for keeping it. A reason which our spouse agrees with! Ouch. I must say I was a little grumpy. But it felt good to shed. Jacob, our 4 year old, even voluntarily put some toys at the road to give away. He was so excited that someone picked up some of the toys, that the toys will go to some kids who will play with them and use them.

And today, my daddy spoke to my heart. As a result of the motor vehicle accident we had a few weeks ago, I am in pain. My back is very soar, so much so it wakes me up at night. I have been prayer, asking God to heal me, but more importantly, to help me not be resentful and unforgiving to the man who hit us. Hence, I have agreed to pray for him to know God in a real tangible way. Great. But who know what, I am still really struggling with it all.

Today the kids and I went to have the van checked out for repairs and then we were heading off to do some shopping - for school supplies. Because of the location of the garage I drove on streets I would not of otherwise driven on. On one of those streets, was our new couch. Joey, my hubby, and I have been wanting a new couch. A new couch to us. We wanted it to be a neutral color, have three cushions (one for each of the kids) and be in decent shape. Well, on the curb was a three seater beige couch in great condition. With the best sign of all "FREE". Yah! All three kids and I kept Thanks God and exclaiming our happiness all the way home, with the four way flashing flashing and the back doors of the van tidied down with a tie rope which was accidentally left in our van from the weekend. How sweet!

Jacob even helped me bring it into the house. He is so excited. We talked about how great it is, to give away things we are no longer using in order that others get what they need/ want. And how when others give what they no longer need we sometimes get what we need / want. - He does realize that we have been wanting a new couch for nearly a year. But it has arrive... bringing with it great real life lessons and joy. And a big thank you to God for helping me get over the grudge of the accident - because if it had not been for the accident I would not of been driving on that road to find that couch. - now that sound like a topic I could "speak" about. "Finding the treasure along the bumpy road!" HUM!!!


Sherry, if your reading this let me know. I would love to meet up with another P31 gal.

To everyone else, Thanks for taking the time to read what I write. I love knowing your reading, leave comments. I get really excited when I get them.

dear little girl

Please pray for a 5 year old little girl, her daddy and everyone else involved.

On saturday evening, a little girl and her daddy were walking together. The family had recently purchased a trailer at the same camp site as my parents. The father daughter duo were walking a long one of the many small roads. Many of the campers choose to walk, cycle, or use golf carts to get around the big campsite. The little girl walking with her father when she darted away from him and directly in front of a gold cart. The driver of the golf cart was unable to stop in time. He was impaired, and has been charged. The little girl is at the children's hopsital in a medication induce coma. She has multiple fractures to the skull, and has bleeding on the brain. It is still unknow if other issues will arise. Please pray for the full recovery of this little girl, but also for everyone invoved. Please pray for the daddy involved: I have heard that the father feels guilty. He feels he should of caught her in time, he feels he should have been able to save her. Please pray for the mom,.. we can only image the heart ache she is dealing with. Please pray for the little girl's 2 year old sister, that just wants her mommy,daddy and sister home and safe and well. Please pray for the driver of the golf cart, and all the passengers he had with him. (his wife, and a male friend - who is really having a hard time dealing with the situation.) Please pray for all the people at that camp site that witnessed the situation. Many people were present., including the little girl's cousin. Pray, pray , pray.
Thank you so much.
This is really scary as that could of been my child who all of suddent darted from my side, and went into dangers way.